第七百零七章 陛下在后院看庖厨杀猪
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一下。
于谦作为读书人,自然要粉饰一番,这很合理。
有媒人、有彩礼、有嫁妆、还有婚宴,这在乡间就算是明媒正娶了,而且是朝廷证婚的!
费亦应不断的点头和于谦商议着,补全这这个计划。
于谦带着自己的成果,去寻陛下禀报,在御书房居然没见到陛下。
小黄门面色复杂的说道:“陛下在看庖厨杀猪。”
“陛下在作甚?”于谦面色复杂的又问了一遍,他全然以为自己听错了。
小黄门又哭笑不得的重复了一遍说道:“陛下在看庖厨杀猪。”
于谦嘴角抽动的来到了后院,果真看到了陛下。
陛下真的在看庖厨杀猪。
四五个缇骑严阵以待准备将猪从笼子里安置到条案上。
卢忠带着三个缇骑,神情颇为紧张的握着手中的大楯,护持在陛下面前,眼神直勾勾的盯着庖厨的方向。
朱祁钰看着笼子里的猪说道:“于少保来之前,刚杀了头羊。”
“这俗话说的好,猪草包,羊好汉,牛的眼泪在眶里转。”
“只要一个壮汉,踩住羊的前蹄,单手抓着羊头,在喉咙上,来上那么一刀,把血盆放在脖子下面,这就算完成了。”
“羊是好汉,除了抖,一动不动的让人杀。”
于谦这回过味儿来,陛下这话里有话。
朱祁钰继续说道:“这杀猪的讲究可大了,猪草包,说的是猪都比较怕死。”
“杀的时候,猪可是可劲儿的叫唤!可劲儿的挣扎!那最少得七八个人一起来,才能降的住。”
“杀猪之前,要把猪饿一天,否则这猪挣扎起来,那可是要人命的。”
“光杀猪的刀都得四把,否则这猪是杀不利索的。”
“庖厨说,但凡是没有一刀清,那猪喷着血,也能跑一里多!”
“这要是哪个不长眼的,被这猪结结实实的撞上了,那轻一些也要躺上好几天,重了就要人命。”
朱祁钰这话音未落,杀猪就开始了。
庖厨是个经验丰富的厨师,说是庖丁解牛也不为过,但是陛下在旁边看着,不免有些紧张。
肥头大耳的猪在条案上绑着四肢,庖厨一条腿跪在猪身上,一只手搬住猪下巴,用力向后掰直,突显出了咽喉部位,另一只手握尖刀,顺向直捅进去扎到猪心脏!
“嗷!呜!”
猪感受到了疼痛,猛地嚎叫了一声,开始奋力挣扎,条案的绳索,都被挣扎断了,随后一个蛄蛹就开始在院子里乱窜。
庖厨有些紧张,所以没能一刀清,这一刀没把这猪给杀了。
这头猪喷着血,在后院里闹得鸡飞狗跳,一个缇骑拿着套杆也被挣扎断了,人猪大战持续了将近两刻钟才算结束。
满地狼藉,四处都是猪血,几个缇骑为了防止猪冲向陛下,也是有些力竭。
朱祁钰终于看完了杀猪,心满意足的说道:“于少保,你看见了,五万多头猪,三天三夜也是抓不完,猪的力气太大了。”
“陛下让臣看什么?”于谦看着准备吹猪的庖厨愣愣的问道。
朱祁钰颇为认真的说道:“于少保,缙绅安土牧民,想要牧的是羊,羊被杀的时候,是不会挣扎的。”
“可咱大明的百姓是猪啊,要杀的时候,那是会挣扎的,七八个人,降服不住的。”
“这杀猪的屠夫们,稍有不慎,就是被撞得肚破肠流。”
“一头还好,十头八头呢?一万头、十万头、百万头,那百万鬣猪,猪突猛进,圣人也降不住。”
于谦露出一副果然如此的表情,陛下日理万机,闲的没事干,在这后院看杀猪?
大明的百姓的确是最好养的猪,可是这猪他不好杀。
“哎呦!”朱祁钰眉头一挑喊了一嗓子。
条案上那头猪回光返照,猛地挺动了一下,砸的条案真真作响,吓得那庖厨猛地退后了几步。
朱祁钰看着那头已经咽了气的猪继续说道:“咱大明肉食者,总是想要把这猪驯化成羊,可是这猪和羊完全不是一个种儿,这怎么可能把猪驯化成为羊呢?”
“于少保,你说说是不是这个理儿?”
于谦听完了陛下的羊猪论,看着条案上的猪说道:“臣听闻,带伤野猪猛于虎。”
于谦是读书人,听得懂,话茬自然也接得上。
------题外话------
带伤的野猪猛于虎啊,况且是几万头、几十万头。求月票!嗷呜!!!!
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